I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
