Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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