is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
