Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
