her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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