I must be too annoying 4 u.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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