Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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