I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
