i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
