Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
