dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize