you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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