okay pat passed out under dana's car
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
