Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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