If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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