Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
