seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
