Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
