Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
