It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
