chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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