we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
