and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
