you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
