I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
