I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
