benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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