Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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