there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So many bounce houses so little time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
