The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
