So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
