I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize