Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
