Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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