I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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