yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
