Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
