please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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