He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
