he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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