I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize