saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
