Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
