fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
