He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
