4 words: hood of his car
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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