bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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