You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are the jesus of drinking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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