great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
