you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
