I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She said her name was "party"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
