So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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