Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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