Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
