My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
