I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are a genius and a whore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
