people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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