The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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