just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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