She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am naked and annoyed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
