Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
