My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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