I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize