This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
