omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
