You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
