And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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