I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize