While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
