A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
