Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
