It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize