I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize