I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Terrible idea I love it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
