I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
