Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
