she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
