I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
