Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
