If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
