I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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