Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
