Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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