i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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