he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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