This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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