shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize