Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
