I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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