Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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