I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize