OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i out mim tonsoeep
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
