My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
