my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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