I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
