I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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