i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just invented taco cereal.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
