therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
