I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
