Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We need a shit load of segways right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
